Why is that? This whole concept of virginity is so intriguing yet confusing to me. It’s this way to me because when talking about virginity, you first have to define what it even means. Is it strictly penetration? If so, does that mean people who identify as lesbians are incapable of ever losing their virginity? In that case does losing your virginity mean oral sex? Once you define it, I begin to wonder why it even matters. Why does it matter that we know that two people came together to pleasure each other? But more than that, why are we placing so much emphasis on it? After all, if you’re anything like me who is in her first year of college, you cringe when you hear stories of people you know losing their virginity (most commonly to random “hookups”), yet you are taken aback a little to find out that someone is still a virgin. We ourselves are hypocrites and because of that, you can never win with this virginity battle, and it’s because no matter which path you choose, there’s going to be some stigma around it.
So why is it such a big deal to be a virgin? Or is it?
To some, having sex is kind of like a right of passage, something that shows maturity and coming of age. Others hold the act sacred or at least live with the belief that sex should be taken seriously and virginity should be lost with someone special. Neither are better or worse than each other, especially because they both hold their strengths and weaknesses. But for some reason, it is still more socially acceptable to have lost your virginity than it is to have kept it. There is such an emphasis for your first time to be something magical, unforgettable and pleasure filled, but often times it’s not and when that happens, it’s hard not to feel as if you’ve done something wrong. Not only that, but there becomes a component of regret. It sets in and it begins to be hard not to feel as though you didn’t handle the situation right. There are so many mixed emotions about what the “right” way to lose your virginity and I strongly believe in eradicating those ideas set in place about the way we “should” do it so that each time a girl loses her virginity, her story is valid and not judged, all because she didn’t do it the way you thought she should.
It frustrates me that girls are still shaming each other into believing that the way they are handling situations aren’t right. Everyone decides to do what’s best for them and there is not right or wrong scenario when it comes to losing your virginity. Sure, some might have wished they waited or that their first time was different than it was, but at the same time it doesn’t mean that they were wrong to do it the way they did. But on that same token, there seems to often be this odd sense of despair when girls who have had sex talk to virgins about sex. However, it shouldn’t be like that. People shouldn’t feel pitty for the virgins because they haven’t had the same life experiences.
This double edged sword is tough and it saddens me that it still exists. The Breakfast Club was made almost thirty years ago and yet the line about virginity still holds true. So I challenge you. I challenge you to stand up the next time you hear someone bash either side. I challenge you to stand up for the perceived sluts. And I also challenge you to stand up for the perceived prudes. Nobody deserves to be labeled a certain way based on something so silly as virginity, or lack there of. So take a stand and create a change. We might not change the world, but you might change someone’s world.