How would you feel if your dad told you he wanted you to have some, “fucking awesome sex”?

When I first heard about this concept of fathers being open with their daughters and encouraging them to pursue sexual opportunities, given that it is consensual, I didn’t quite know how to react. I had always been a believer that the more protective your father was over you (i.e. see this list of daddy’s rules for dating that are uncomfortably humorous), the more he loved you. But now, after reading a father’s open letter to his daughter, explaining why he wants her to have, “fucking good sex”, I have to say, I kind of agree. I really believe there’s something to this concept of encouraging sex positive conversations between parents and children.

Ferrett Steinmetz, in his open letter to his daughter, had two points that stood out to me the most, and that I think are the most important to focus on so that we can get over the shock of a father acknowledging and encouraging her female sexuality. These points are:

  1. “Now, you’re going to get bruised by life, and sometimes bruised consensually. But I won’t tell you sex is bad, or that you’re bad for wanting it, or that other people are bad from wanting it from you if you’re willing to give it. I refuse to perpetuate, even through the plausible deniability of humor, the idea that the people my daughter is attracted to are my enemy.”

I love this point, and I think it’s quite a progressive thought that should be adopted into parenting more. If we begin to raise a generation of young adults who don’t view sex as a bad thing or forbidden fruit, but instead are given sexual education that involves the emotional aspect of it, then the way we view sex would shift into a more positive light, especially for women. We should be celebrating the idea of our children growing up and beginning to make choices on their own. Whether those choices are on a small scale or on a bigger scale like engaging in sexual activity, we have to be willing to trust that we have taught our children well enough to make the right choices most of the time, but also understand that no matter how well we think we teach them, they are destined to make mistakes, and that’s okay. It’s part of the learning curve and ultimately what helps everyone become the people they are.

  1. “Because consensual sex isn’t something that men take from you; it’s something you give. It doesn’t lessen you to give someone else pleasure. It doesn’t degrade you to have some of your own.”

Wow. This is such an empowering concept. To think about sex as not something that is taken, but rather something that is given, hopefully in love or lust or something in between. You’re not losing anything, rather just gaining a new insight on life, a new experience, another book on your figurative bookshelf of life. And like Orin J. Hahn says in his article, Thinking Beyond the Fear: Dealing with a Sexually Active Daughter, sex is important to talk about to relieve the “fear of recognizing and acknowledging female sexuality and the permission for them to own it.” This fear of acknowledging that females are sexual beings instead of sexual objects is a confusing concept that is sometimes uncomfortable. But we must work through the things that make us feel uncomfortable and vulnerable to get to a renewed place that is the birthplace of liberation and progression.

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4 comments

  1. That is so nice of him.He is willing to let his daughter have sex.But as “daddy’s rules for dating” say that every dad is “the people my daughter is attracted to are my enemy”. Same way brothers think too. Even if they have their own girlfriends but they not letting their sister have boyfriends(not always though). I once myself had this feeling when my sis had one(although I didn’t have any girl),I don’t know why but it really kept bugging me. I know why some fathers feel the same way, cause he himself is a man, He is really ought to worry of his daughter.

    But really this man Ferret motivated me to think differently…

    1. I appreciate your thoughts on this. I think it’s true that we tend to be more protective over women and girls, which on the surface, one would think is honorary. However, at the same time, in this day and age, I think that women are looking for the liberation to be able to make their own choices independent of what another man in their life thinks (whether that is a father, uncle, brother, etc). But at the same time, we walk this line between wanting to be independent and make our own choices while still yearning to be protected by the men in our life because that is how we feel their love.

      I think Ferret is worried for his daughter, but he shows it in a different way. He loves her and wants the best for her, but doesn’t see how “protecting” her to the point of resentment does any good.

      Thanks for reading and commenting!

      1. Your welcome. YES women need this liberation and I think only way to do this is eliminating differences between men and women.

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